dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
