i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
