You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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