i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
