walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
