Plan B is the new Plan A
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
