sarcasm needs its own font
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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