so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
