Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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