I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
