I think my fart just growled at me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
