how can u be prego again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
