Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you win again, gameday.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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