He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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