I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
