I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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