I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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