I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
