i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
