Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
