but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
