So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
