She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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