I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
