If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
