I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
