So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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