Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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