I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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