if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
