Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
