It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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