Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
