Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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