me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
