Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
