Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
