using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
