we have pet lesbian snakes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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