Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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