Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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