I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
