Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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