you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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