You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
