he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
