just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
