i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
