hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
