lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize