Your mouth is God's brothel.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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