Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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