did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
