How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
