Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
