I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize