put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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