What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
