He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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