Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
