it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize