I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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