$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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