your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
