So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
